Here is the statistic that should lead every Puppy Bowl story and never does: the game has a 100 percent adoption rate. Every single puppy who tumbles across that tiny astroturf field finds a home. The Super Bowl ends with one fan base devastated. The Puppy Bowl ends with zero losers, which is a record neither Brock Purdy nor Patrick Mahomes can claim.
Puppy Bowl XX, the 20th edition, set its own record: 131 puppies from 73 rescue organizations, the largest field in the game’s history. And because the human Super Bowl that weekend was effectively a Taylor Swift broadcast with a football game attached, we are introducing the starting lineup the only sensible way. By era.
A note before kickoff, in case the joke distracts from the point: every dog below was a shelter or rescue animal when the cameras rolled. The bit is the Swift pairings. The substance is that this is what a working adoption pipeline looks like when you put a spotlight on it.
Team Ruff
Stryker / Green Dogs Unleashed (Troy, VA). Deaf, yet those warm brown eyes could carry a whole ballad on their own. Green Dogs Unleashed has become a Puppy Bowl pipeline specifically for deaf and special-needs dogs, which is its own quiet flex. Speak Now era, “Superman.”
Small Ed / Phoenix Animal Rescue (Chester Springs, PA). No connection whatsoever to Ed Sheeran, one of Swift’s most frequent collaborators. None. Red, “Everything Has Changed.”
Moe / Renee’s Rescues (Hockessin, DE). Whose misaligned floppy ears are committed to never ever ever getting back together. Red, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.”
Guy Fureri / One Tail at a Time (Chicago, IL). A dog who, like his diner-hopping namesake, understands that the perfect night calls for breakfast at midnight. 1989 (energy), “22.”
Bark Purdy / Sacramento SPCA (Sacramento, CA). Named for the 49ers QB, which puts him squarely on the wrong side of Swift’s current feud. 1989, “Bad Blood.”
Lady Luck / Nevada SPCA (Las Vegas, NV). A Vegas local who knows that sometimes you just have to go chalk. Reputation era, “The Lucky One.”
Bob Barker / Jersey Girls Animal Rescue (North Plainfield, NJ). Mismatched eyes giving more David Bowie than Price Is Right host, though the late Barker was himself a serious animal-rights advocate. Lover, “ME!”
Mr. Bean / Barky Pines Animal Rescue (Loxahatchee, FL). One look at him and you know his motor will run harder than anyone’s out there. Lover, “You Need To Calm Down.”
Rebekah / Lucky Dog Refuge (Stamford, CT). Named, we have to assume, for the American socialite Rebekah Harkness, whose former mansion Swift has owned since 2013. Folklore, “The Last Great American Dynasty.”
Indigo / Five Acres Animal Shelter (St. Charles, MO). A Great Pyrenees and German Shepherd mix, so loving and clever both at once. Evermore, “Marjorie.”
Team Fluff
Francine / Rescue Dogs Rock (New York, NY). A name with total glamorous-Manhattan-aunt energy. 1989, “Welcome to New York.”
Zeke / Green Dogs Unleashed (Troy, VA). A Poodle carrying himself with as much poise as swagger. 1989, “Shake It Off.”
Gunnar / Buddy’s Second Chance Rescue (Tonawanda, NY). A Pittie, and therefore subject to the same lazy, misinformed snap judgments that Reputation was written to reject. People make assumptions about Pit Bulls based on myth, and adopters who look past it tend to end up with one of the most affectionate dogs alive. Reputation, “Delicate.”
Patrick Mabones / AHeinz57 Pet Rescue (DeSoto, IA). A nod to Brittany and Patrick Mahomes, who have apparently absorbed Swift into the Kansas City crew. Lover, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend.”
Bailey / Paws Crossed Animal Rescue (Elmsford, NY). A quiet, guarded look that fits the song’s ache perfectly. Folklore, “Exile.”
Arthur / One Tail at a Time (Chicago, IL). Black-and-white fur that belongs on an album cover. Folklore, “Cardigan.”
Beemo / Florida Little Dog Rescue Group (St. Cloud, FL). Large expressive ears, soul-piercing eyes, and apparent Bon Iver face. Evermore, “Evermore.”
Levi / Green Dogs Unleashed (Troy, VA). Tipping the scales at a hefty 72 pounds, the biggest competitor of the bunch, and now and then a giant looming over the pint-sized players. Midnights, “Anti-Hero.”
Good Girl / Paws Across Pittsburgh. The kind of pup who seems to set the whole field sparkling the moment she trots out. Midnights, “Bejeweled.”
The part that isn’t a bit
Strip away the Swift framing and what’s left is a 20-year-old machine that works. The Puppy Bowl exists to convert a captive audience into adopters, and the dogs on it are not stunt-cast celebrities. They are the actual surplus of the actual shelter system, made briefly famous so that people who would never click an adoption listing end up rooting for a deaf Poodle.
If any of these dogs made you feel something, the takeaway is not to track down that specific puppy. By air time, most are already adopted or claimed; the 100 percent rate sees to that. The takeaway is that your nearest shelter is full of dogs exactly this charming, minus the broadcast deal. The Puppy Bowl’s whole bet is that you’ll notice. The two teams play for the Lombarky Trophy. The dogs play for a couch.
References
- Discovery / Animal Planet, “Meet the Players of Puppy Bowl XX”
- The Humane Society of the United States, “Adopting from an Animal Shelter or Rescue”
